I posted the last text and was freacking out and now I got the news that I got in 501 and I think it’s pretty much settled, I’m staying even though that implies I might need to sell my body or its parts every now and then.
I was just waiting for a little sign and got huge one. It hurts that I’m not going back home for a while though.
I have to let my old Improv team know now and that’s just going to be sad. But I’m sure they’ll be happy for me. So. Great.
Today (before six pee am) I have to decide and inform if I’m going to go back to Venezuela to do a show or not.
It’s awesome that I have the offering. Well it’s not a surprise, I’ve been doing this show for 7 seasons now. And this would be the 8th season. But still is awesome and flattering to be asked everytime.
We would have a three months long season, every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. In a 400 people venue. It’s usually sold out. And it’s improv. One of the only two improv shows we have in Venezuela. And I’m in both so is ultra ultra special to be there. Also in Venezuela I used to perform all the time in different shows and if not I would be directing a show or just doing a lot of things performing-wise. And I miss performing a lot! I was a junkie. I missed my college graduation day because I had a show and I couln’t care less.
But I have to decide today, and I’m still waiting to hear back from UCB to see if I got into 501, and the Harold teams auditions and the Maude teams auditions are coming. And everything’s changing and I ust moved to my awesome little tiny apt. And my new life is pretty awesome and lonely and cute but fun and challenging and nerve wrecking and taxes included and batteries not included that is exciting!
I know the auditions are just a learning experience and a longer shot than a show I already know I’m in for sure. Because it takes a lot of practicing and experience and being really good like UCB performers and I’m still learning and stuff to make it happen, to nail it down, to get good or a little better. But you always have hopes in it (or at least I have them and I’m going to do my best, whatever that means).
So basically the decision is between having the chance to perform a lot again and make money with it and see my friends and family who I miss sooooooo much… or to not being able to perform in months and keep on working in a Restaurant and paying money I don’t have for classes (I’m not allowed to exchange Venezuelan money and I virtually have no U.S money savings) and eventually maybe after some time perform and not making any profits but having a lot of fun and simply being happy with it.
By the way I explained it the answer seems pretty obvious. But really in my heart it feels 50-50, sometimes 60-40 or 40-60 and back to 50-50. I don’t want to be rich or famous I just want to have enough money to not worry about money and enough people to like what I do to so I can perform for them and ultimately having people feeling something when they are seeing what I’m doing.